Hearing the news that you’re going to have a baby is an incredible experience. Once you got the good news, you probably spent hours thinking about what your baby would look like, the activities you’d share, and the name you would give to him or her. So it can be quite a shock when your baby is finally born and you soon discover that you have a defiant child.
Parents with defiant children face a unique problem in that they have to realize that the reality of parenting doesn’t match up with the fantasies they previously had. You may have imagined your child being respectful, clean, and well-mannered, but there’s a good chance that things didn’t pan out that way.
Before any changes can happen, the parent of a defiant child needs to come to terms with the fact that their little angel might not be so sweet after all.
If your child is defiant in the face of your disciplinary actions then you should try to realize as soon as possible that you’re not a perfect parent and your child isn’t perfect either. The best thing you can do for him or her in this case is to learn to be the right kind of parent so your child can grow to be a responsible adult.
Instead of simply telling your child to behave more appropriately, give him or her the tools to understand the negative impact of the behavior. Enforce a more rigid structure in your home and avoid fighting for control of the house. Pass on problem-solving skills and accountability to your child.
In my experience as a parent, teacher, and coach, I’ve found that children don’t respond to attempts to raise their self-esteem with the goal of reducing their negative behavior. From where I stand, the opposite seems to be true.
Children build their self-esteem by accomplishing goals and doing the right thing. To help a defiant child learn to behave, teach him or her problem-solving skills as well as the consequences of acting out.
With these lessons learned, your child will understand why acting out is considered a negative behavior and your relationship will improve dramatically.
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